Our culture makes self-love easier for some more than others

The end of Capricorn season is upon us. Let me tell you, as a Capricorn myself, I’ve gotten more done in the last month than the last year! Aquarius season isn’t so shabby, I cherish you water carriers. It’s a time to innovate that production you began in Capricorn season, to communicate it and bring your message to the community. 

Next week the 26th brings us Rosh Chodesh, the beginning of the Jewish month of Shevat. One of my favorite Jewish holidays, Tu b’ Shevat, the new year of the trees, begins the evening of the 9th of February. The trees wake up, the sap begins to rise and if tapped, murmur it’s way into our mouths. Sweet trees! 

This month, Shevat corresponds to the Hebrew letter tzadee, צ. The ancients connected it to a fish hook. My kohenet (Hebrew priestess) community connects this letter with the archetype of Ohevet, The Lover. Interesting that Valentine’s Day falls during this month (not a huge fan of the binary romance that Valentine’s Day often evokes but a huge fan of love). The tarot connects it with The Star, a card about connecting to your souls purpose and divine will, rather than your will. 

This is a much needed message for me personally. I am deep into my journey to become a parent and it is certainly not happening in my timing. This week I had a successful surgery where a cyst was removed from my left ovary and a bunch of endometriosis deposits were removed. I still have a bunch of it (and a fibroid) but everything possible was removed without destroying my ovaries or uterus. The surgeon felt confident I would still be able to get pregant. 

I advocated for myself every step of the way with this surgery. It was not easy. My age, being white, straight passing, English being my first language and growing up middle class had everything to do with being listened to at all. There were so many times I had to ask for things I needed, multiple times, and insist on them. This kind of surgery does not always go well and it goes less well for black AFAB (assigned female at birth) people and for people who’s first language is not English, who are immigrants and non binary appearing. 

As many march today in the Women’s March, I’m in bed keeping the vision alive that a surgery on an AFAB person’s body, no matter their identity, should go well. I dream of a world where this is our reality and am dedicated to a life of working for that kind of justice. Because the reality is that depending on how we are postitioned in this society, because of white supremacy and colonialism, our will does make a difference. I absolutely used my will to advocate for myself with this surgery. It worked, in large part because of my social capital. 

The letter tzadee to me, looks like a tree, or a bird. Rooting down into the mineral rich mysterious earth. The branches of a tree lead our psyche up towards the stars, the birds, the heavens. This kind of connection is the work of real self-love. True love is an integration of below and above. I absolutely have felt my love for myself grow the more I integrate social justice work in my life. A love for ourselves is deeply interconnected with love for others and all things. On this weekend of MLK day, may his words, “no one is free until we are all free,” be a blessing for your work in this world.